I have a question on how to change something in my life. I will need to explain the situation: My husband has been struggling with retirement. He defined himself by his job and doing that job well, and now that is gone.

For the last year he has been looking for something that he can do to define himself – particularly during the winter months when outdoor activities are more difficult. He became a “grill master”.

There is a lot of good and bad to this! The good part is that he now cooks – a lot – and enjoys it and I have a lot less to do when I come home from work! The bad thing is that we do not just “eat”. Our meals, particularly our evening meal, has become an “event” and we discuss the preparation, cooking, how the food tastes, is done, what a great job he did, etc. We have wonderful meals and I cannot discount that, but we get so focused on eating, it has become our “activity” and main topic of conversation.

I need to lose weight and focusing so much attention on cooking and eating seems to defeat the weight loss goal. I have tried to steer him to cooking healthy food and that has worked to a certain extent but we eat very well every night. I try to limit my portions, eat more of the vegetables, drink water before I eat so that I feel fuller, etc. I don’t want to crush his newfound talent but I can’t keep eating this way. Help!

You are doing the main things right! In Ephesians 5:22-33 it tells wives to respect their husbands and husbands to love their wives. Your situation portrays this beautifully, so congratulations! Concentrating on the vegetables, small portions and the water too, is very good. So keep those things up! Other things you can try;

1. Chew your food thoroughly savor the flavor of each bite. This will slow down your eating and you will eat less before you feel full. (It takes 20 minutes for our stomachs’ to tell our brains it is full, we can pack in a lot of calories in 20 minutes.)

2. Increase the amount of exercise you get. Try adding a morning or regular lunch workout to your routine.

3. Do not eat any food three hours prior to going to bed.

4. Explain to your husband how important it is to you to lose weight.

5. Ask him to plan nightly activities the two of you can do together before or after dinner. See if he can make them mostly physical activities. I suggest, cross country skiing, moon lit snow shoe walks, couples stretching. He may really enjoy this new challenge.

Remember, losing or gaining weight is mostly a math equation. Calories in- calories out=weight gain or loss. Do what you can, to adjust your day to accommodate your evening meal.

1 Corinthians9:17 “For if I do this thing willingly, I have a reward; but if against my will a dispensation of the gospel is committed unto me.”

I have already broken my New Year’s resolutions. I want to get back on track and stay there. Do you have any suggestions?

Keep on Keeping on! You said resolutions; many of us take on to many changes at once and get over whelmed. We can do great for a day or two but then old patterns creep in and there we are. Prioritize the things in your life you need to change. An example if you have been short with your children and your husband, over eating and distant from God, pick the priority. This one is easy; God, you and your husband, then your children. (If we are out of balance with God we tend to self destruct.) When you act according to His priorities you will naturally start taking better care of yourself, this is not easy to do, and we live in a compromising society. Remember as you chose your priorities:

Mathew 6:33 “Seek ye first the Kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added unto you”

1 Corinthians 6:19 “Or do you not know that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have from God, and you are not your own?”

The Bible is a great place to figure out how to live. When you alien your thinking up with His word your actions will follow! None of us can get this perfect. Jesus was and is the only one perfect. The rest of us have to continually accept His forgiveness and keep on keeping on! The more you alien yourself with His ways and act accordingly the easier it will get!

James 4:7” Therefore submit to God, Resist the devil and he will flee from you.”

My 50 day challenge is less than great. I have made some good choices but my bad out numbers the good. Exercise is important; I was doing better a couple weeks ago. I have so much I need to do, and keep myself from doing it.

Do what you can. Try to at least get in sleep and cast your cares. Eat well and drink water, these things do not take extra time and will help you treat your body as His temple.

Hebrews 12:1 “Therefore we also, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight and the sin which so easily ensnares us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us.”

I just met a great guy! He is perfect for me! He is a Christian, athletic, smart, handsome, and I feel so excited about him. I never feel this way! It is like being a school girl again! He told me that he is married. He said,” they have been separated for two years and will be getting a divorce in two more years.” He said,” she is a non-believer and emotionally abusive to him”. I don’t date married men but he feels like he should be my exception. What should I do?

Stay with what you know to be true. You don’t date married men. In today’s culture, it seems acceptable to do so. The ramifications for adultery have not changed. You can be forgiven but if you go into a relationship knowing it is wrong and “go for it” anyway planning on His forgiveness it will backfire on you. God designed marriage to help us. He said, “It is not good that man shall be alone.” (Genesis 2:18)

Genesis 2:24: “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.”

Mark 10:9: “Therefore what God has joined together let no man separate.”

Mathew5:32 “But I say to you that whoever divorces his wife for any reason except sexual immorality causes her to commit adultery: and who ever marries a woman who is divorced commits adultery.”

1 Corinthians 6:9 “Do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived. Neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor homosexuals, nor sodomites, nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards nor revilers nor extortioners will inherit the kingdom of God. And such were some of you. But you were washed, but you were sanctified, but you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus and by the Spirit of our God.

1 Corinthians 6:19 “Or do you not know that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have from God, and you are not your own?”(sharing your flesh in adultery violates your body)

Even though God deigned marriage to help us it is not easy. Many of us wish we would have picked different people once we open our package. The truth is there is not a perfect person out there. I have watched my sisters and my good friends stay married in very hard times and their life is better for it. I have left my marriages for adulterous relationships and there was nothing but pain. There was initial who –Ha! , then significant pain. I know I have been forgiven but my family has suffered tremendously and so have I. I recommend you suggest this person find a way through Jesus to fix his marriage. Pray that his marriage will be saved, and walk away. God will reward your behavior in His timing He will bring you the Man He has for you. Marriage is a gift from God; don’t let yourself be a part of destroying it.

I don’t like all your Jesus stuff. Jesus cannot fix everything. He can’t fix sexual harassment.

I appreciate how you are hurting. I apologize if that sounds judgmental, but your statement sounds like something I might have said before I truly knew Him. Once I started walking with Jesus on a daily basis and trusting in Him during the bleakest of bleak I found that He truly does fix everything for me. The problem is He does not always fix things the way I want them fixed. Sometimes this frustrates me to no end! Then I feel hurt and I can question His very existence. This happens when I am concentrating on the present moment and forgetting that He always has things worked out for the big picture.

Philippians 4:19 “And my God shall supply all your need according to His riches in glory by Christ Jesus.”

In my life I have been the victim of sexual harassment, sexual assault and many other terrible things that should never happened to a little girl or young woman. For years I played the victim role and quenched my pain with alcohol, depression and a number of behaviors I am not very proud of. I was raised in the Lutheran Church and I knew Jesus as a child yet I did not know how to trust Him with my pain. I was angry and so lost. My pain, my hurt and my scars were always on the top of my emotions. Then I hit a new low and could not manage my life any more. I confessed my sins. With a truly repentant heart, I asked Jesus into my heart and asked Him to change my life. I felt a new life enter my soul. I am sure that is the Holy Spirit. (John 15:26) I was changed forever. I no longer feel the pain and I do not have the scars. I am washed clean and I do feel beautiful again. If someone today is inappropriate with me I have the strength to rebuke the action and nip it in the bud. I keep up my relationship with Jesus up by continually reading His word, fellowshipping with other Christians, praying and trusting. He always loves me as He always loves you to maintain that relationship just like any other relationship it takes a commitment. Committing to the Lord has truly freed me from the adverse effects of life especially the adverse effects of sexual harassment and assault.

I am not very religious. I am however spiritual. I am doing OK, but sometimes I feel like something is missing. Why will going to church help me?

Many people in today’s’ culture say this, “I am spiritual, but I am not religious”. First let’s clarify how you become spiritual, through Jesus Christ.

John 16:7 ”nevertheless I tell you the truth. It is to your advantage that I go away; for if I do not go away, the Helper will not come to you, but if I depart, I will send Him to you.”

When we accept Jesus as our Lord and Savior he sends us the Holy Spirit and through His Holy Spirit we become spiritual. Many of us do not put the two together and get lost in today’s’ spirituality world. We try hard to be politically correct. The truth is that with Jesus as your Savior you become grounded in His love and through His spirit you become love. Having love toward your fellow man is the ultimate in politically correctness and spirituality. This transformation is made possible by faith in Jesus as our risen savior.

Many people also have stopped going to church. I do believe you are saved purely by your faith in Jesus. I also think that it is very difficult to be out there on your own. It is important to fellowship with other Christians. This keeps us strong in His word. I strongly suggest you find a Bible teaching church and go; it will help you not feel so alone. When you share in Christian fellowship it helps you become stronger. This world can be overwhelming and confusing. To help yourself stay grounded in His word I encourage you attend church. It is not about being religious it is about having His spirit inside of you and enjoying Christian fellowship.

Ecclesiastes 4:12 “Though one may be overpowered by another, two can withstand him. And a threefold cord is not quickly broken.”

A woman from the Rock Prairie Women’s retreat commented to me after our retreat, “Thank you for letting me know I need to forgive myself. I have been holding on to a lot of things for a long time.”

Many of us women are very good at holding on to our past mistakes. We repeat them over and over again in our heads. We get so angry at ourselves for something that is long gone or moments ago. No matter what the time frame, we can feel our present moment being consumed with our past. Many of us rehearse a mistake over and over again trying to replay it, as if we could do something about it! I would have or if I could have. We successfully beat ourselves up and deny ourselves self love. This makes it easy for us to self destruct.

God wants us to live in His love and be His righteousness. He sent his only begotten Son to this world to die for us so we can be free. Free to be with Him in Heaven and have eternal life. Free of the guilt and shame of our past, present and future sins here in this life!

Romans 5-:8-9 “But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. Much more then, having now been justified by His blood, we shall be saved from wrath through Him.”

Romans 10:9 “that if you confess with your mouth the Lord Jesus and believe in your heart that God has raised Him from the dead you will be saved.”

Romans 10:11 “For the Scriptures says, “Whoever believes on Him will not be put to shame.”

Jesus died to forgive you, do not hold on to un-forgiveness. Be set free! A major part of loving yourself is accepting Jesus’ free gift and BE FORGIVEN! Live in His love, no matter what has gone on, is going on or will go on!

Romans 14:22a “Happy is he who does not condemn Himself”

I do really great all day long then at night I just can’t control my eating, what should I do?

This is a very common problem.
Many people don’t eat enough calories or balanced meals during the work day. When they get home, it is a feeding frenzy until bedtime. Solution – eat most of your required nutrition before 5pm (fruits, vegetables, whole grains, proteins and dairy) and have a small well balanced supper. Plan something else to do to avoid over eating (read, recreate, rest, exercise, communicate). If you find yourself in the middle of a feeding frenzy, STOP! Go do something else… ie.pray.

Don’t fool yourself. A feeding frenzy is gluttony. Put on the fruits of the spirit.

Galatians 5:22-23 NKJ “But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control. Against such there is no law.”

To determine your correct required nutrition go to mypyramid.gov.